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An illustrated blog about a mother navigating the education system with a child who can’t go to school.

My Story

This is an illustrated blog about my journey as a mother navigating the education system for our child, about a diagnosis of autism, to an EHCP, looking at special schools, meetings, phone calls, emails and lots of paperwork. It’s about a child having to fit in and get on until they can’t do it anymore. One way doesn’t mean it’s the right way. The system nearly broke us but we survived it, partly through drawing, partly through ranting and with lots and lots of love and perseverance.

Life is short, though I keep this from my children.
Life is short, and I’ve shortened mine
in a thousand delicious, ill-advised ways,
a thousand deliciously ill-advised ways
I’ll keep from my children. The world is at least
fifty percent terrible, and that’s a conservative
estimate, though I keep this from my children.
For every bird there is a stone thrown at a bird.
For every loved child, a child broken, bagged,
sunk in a lake. Life is short and the world
is at least half terrible, and for every kind
stranger, there is one who would break you,
though I keep this from my children. I am trying
to sell them the world. Any decent realtor,
walking you through a real shithole, chirps on
about good bones: This place could be beautiful,
right? You could make this place beautiful.

Maggie Smith, Good Bones

Gary The Git

Unfortunately many of us have either been in, or know someone who has been in a relationship with someone that is completely and utterly wrong for them.  Now  – imagine one of your friends is going out with Gary.    Gary is a complete git.  He does not care about your friend and does not haveContinue reading “Gary The Git”

Not Helping..

You say these things but what do they actually mean? When my child is at home and not sleeping and talking. You can say all you like in the way of positives, but who is that helping? Not my child who comes home and crashes and breaks. I try to tell you over and over.Continue reading “Not Helping..”

Courses..

Where are the courses on pathways? I didn’t even know I could apply for an EHCP myself. Where is ‘an easy guide to SEN departments’?I’ve lost days leaving voicemails in the hope someone picks up/knows the answer. Why do I need to go through them to get to them? Where are the autistic advocates? Where’sContinue reading “Courses..”

It’s Okay..

When we are working with outcomes, targets and assessments everything is measured and quantified. Everything has to be proved. Everything must be fixed. (And there is always a timeframe) Can you evidence that? So there is no room for being unsure, or not knowing or even that things just are. Because we need to explain,Continue reading “It’s Okay..”

I Smile..

What do you say about me? When I’m worried that my child has been sat in a corridor for weeks on end and distressed at home.. ‘Mums very anxious’ When you talk about the importance of your job and your workload/number of children you have to deal with, again and I break down because IContinue reading “I Smile..”

Healing..

Healing didn’t come from egg timers, access to a sensory diet, a time out card, meetings or books about autism geniuses (people just like you) Healing didn’t come from meetings. Healing didn’t come from a home to school book. Healing didn’t come from a hub. Healing didn’t come from group therapy or a checklist. HealingContinue reading “Healing..”

‘Mum’ says..

‘Mum’ says: Guilt is not good because guilt doesn’t go away. Guilt has made me tidier than I ever was and more polite than I ever was. Guilt has made me more worried. ‘Mum’ says: That the guilt does other things it brings in blame. Why are they like that? And that says they shouldn’tContinue reading “‘Mum’ says..”

Attendance..

What you don’t see is dinner being made several times and still not eaten because I bought the wrong brand of sauce and the pan tasted lemony. What you don’t see is that I’ve sat up half the night trying to settle them and help them switch off (yes they do have a bath/routine) YouContinue reading “Attendance..”

Healing..

When you were sick and stressed you needed me but you also rejected me. What no one saw was I was the person who you showed your real distress with. I was your safe place and person but this distress hurt us both. You couldn’t let me near, but at the same time you neededContinue reading “Healing..”

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